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Ask a Therapist

3 months 3 weeks ago
Author: Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Is it wrong of me to expect my wife to come through on her words given me on her own with out me asking for it and if not get angry? Example she asked me to pay rent starting 2nd month our lease (even tho before we got the place we agreed to split it 2/3 me 1/3 her) cuz as she says I make more money even though my business almost went bankrupt a few month before (now is better but still isn’t easy which costs me a lot of stress) and offered in exchange to pay for all house bills and groceries and then I did have to pay water bills and for some if not most groceries anyway. I’m generous and I’m ok to step up when I see is needed just dont like to be asked for it and that what she said she would do in exchange wasn’t happening for the most part. In addition to it I feel not listened and heard and she forgets (not this) a lot small things I’ve been telling her, like putting food away and storage it properly so it doesn’t go bad. I love her and we are a young marriage that is learning but before I was trying to make sure we are financial partners cuz life is expensive and stressful to come through like her mom is saying the womans minimum expectations from her man and I don’t want to feel taken advantage of financially as it happened before and she claims that’s my issue cuz of my previous bad experiences. My wife is lovely and I love her and she just got pregnant and it’s just hard for me to not get angry and temperamental if things like me not listened keep repeating and I want to stop it and don’t blow up.

Think of money as emotional currency. The struggle you two are having isn’t limited to who pays for what. They are issues of trust and shared responsibility. As your wife is pregnant I would highly recommend you do some pre-birth counseling with a family therapist who can help you think through the financial and accountability concerns that await you. Your anger and the financial concerns are symptoms of these unresolved issues, and a therapist can help the two of you find solutions together.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral